Archive for April 19th, 2010

In Memory

I must apologize for my lack of posts lately.  Sure, I have my weekly recipe, but most of these were pre-written and scheduled months ago thanks to Windows Live Writer “set publish date”.  My middle of the week updates and menu planning have be neglected the last couple of months because my life has turned upside down.

My mom, my best friend, B, passed away two weeks ago today, and this has been the hardest thing with which I have ever dealt.  Mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer in February, 2007.  She went through surgery, multiple kinds of chemo, and 25 radiation treatments in two years time.  Last spring, everything was great.  Her CA-125 was very low which was very good.  (This is a specific cancer antigen the doctors test for when someone has ovarian cancer.) 

We had the best spring and summer together.  Mom ran a small garden center, and on my days off from my job I would go with her to the wholesale nurseries.  It was so much fun!  We laughed and talked and just enjoyed each other!  This past November, Mom caught H1N1 flu and it knocked her for a loop.  In December, her blood numbers had risen, but it was still below normal which was good.  She began having severe back pain and everyone thought she had just hurt her back.  X-rays showed she had three compression vertebrae fractures and they were causing her pain.  We found out later that these fractures were caused from the radiation she had had two years ago.

When she went for a checkup at her oncologist’s office in February, he immediately admitted her into the hospital for pain control and to find out exactly what was wrong.  There was a lot wrong.  Her kidneys were not functioning normally and she had multiple tumors.  The cancer had also spread to her bones.  When the doctor said that treatment was not an option, I felt like the world had stopped.  I knew there was a good chance that the cancer would return, but I thought we would have more time than this.

She went home under hospice care (which is wonderful, by the way) for five weeks.  On Sunday, March 28th, her pain and breathing were so bad that we called the ambulance and had her taken to the local hospital.  She was there for exactly a week with me, my wonderful husband C, and my Dad, R, by her side.  The pain had gotten so bad that she had to be on such strong medicine.  She couldn’t speak and was sedated most of the time.  I remember sitting in her room at three o’clock in the morning and just wishing she could talk to me just one more time!  I miss her voice so badly!

We are all dealing with this loss as best we can.  I did not have a big immediate family to begin with, and Mom was the center of it.  I miss you so much, Mom!!


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